Black Hole
by Mrs.Maelyn Cullen96
Summary: Bella has an emotional breakdown during the chapter "Vote" in New Moon. What happens when she is convinced that Edward doesn't love her any more? Read to find out! One-shot


(New moon ch. 24 p.543 line 18)

_I was suddenly nervous, wishing i had asked for his vote first. I was sure that this was the vote that mattered most, the vote that counted more than any majority._

_Carlisle wasn't looking at me._

_"Edward," he said_

_"No,", Edward growled. His jaw was strained tight, his lips curled back from his teeth._

_"It's the only right way that makes sense," Carlisle insisted. "You've chosen not to be without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice."_

_Edward dropped my hand, shoving away from the table. He stalked out of the room snarling under his breath. _

_"I guess you know my vote." Carlisle sighed._

_I was still staring after Edward. "Thanks," I mumbled. An earsplitting echoed from the other room. Iflinched and spoke quickly. "Thatsall I needed. Thank you. For wanting to keep me. "I feel exactly the same way about all of you, too." My voice was jagged with emotion by the end._

_Esme was at my side in a flach, her cold arms around me._

_"Dearest Bella," she breathed._

_I hugged her back. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Rosalie looking down at the tavle, and I realized that my words could be construes two ways. _

_"Well, Alice," i said when Esme released me. "Where do you want to do this?"_

As soon as I asked Alice that question, Edward started breaking even more things and yelling. I lowered my head. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. My epiphany did not seem so logical now.

Maybe he did love me right now, but he was probably thinking of the future, what if he changed me and didn't love me anymore? He would be stuck with me forever, because i would refuse to leave his side, even if he didn't love me. I had thought of this many times, and I'm sure he has too. I could feel the tears starting to spill over like a river; I slowly looked up to where he had left. Then I looked at his family. I loved them all so much. They should not see me like this. I looked at Alice she was staring at me and then was suddenly by my side, comforting me. I heard something break in the other room, I closed my eyes and laid my head on Alice. "shh, Bella, shh, it's alright, everything will be fine." I suddenly felt Esme at my side, also trying to comfort me. I looked at her kind, loving, face. I could see my face in her eyes, it was twisted in agony.

I thought of the song 'Iris' and it suddenly seemed like the perfect song. I could feel the hole in my chest coming back, like it was about to rip open again. I looked up and saw Emmett; for once he was not smiling. He was looking at me intently. Rosalie was looking at me with a strange expression on her face, it was almost like she was smug, but I wasn't really surprised by that. Then I looked at Carlisle, he was so wise, such a good father. I closed my eyes and put my head in my hands. I needed to go home. I was on the verge of breaking down right there. I could feel the hole, it was so close to ripping itself open, and all it needed was one word from Edward.

"I need to go home," Esme looked down at me; her eyes were filled with worry. "I will take you," Alice said. "thanks," I said weakly, I was so close to falling as I stood. We were near the door when Edward came back into the room, "how could you do this to her, Edward?" I heard Esme say. I turned to see Edward staring at me, but there was no emotion on his face.

Edward looked at my face; he saw the tears flowing from my eyes, my frame shaking. I knew what had to be done. I could not become a vampirebecause Edward did not want me to be a part of his family, he didnt want to be with me forever. That was it, that was all it took for the hole to fully come back, suddenly I was on the floor, shaking violently. I thought of the lyrics from my song 'and I don't want the world to see me, because I don't think that they would understand. When every thing's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am'. "Bella!" I heard several voices say, the one that stood out was Edwards. i felt old hand touching me all at once and I suddenly longed for Jake, for his warmth and softness, but then I remember the bitter mask he now had, and that longing vanished. I wanted someone to hold onto, and someone who would hold onto me back willingly.

The shuddering did not stop, but it settled enough that I could stand. Carlisleand Esme helped me up but I had to hold onto the wall for support. The hole was unbearable. I clutched my chest, hoping that would help, but it didn't. I blinked furiously, trying to remove the tears, but they just kept multiplying. I had a flashback to when I was in the woods, when Edward was telling me that he didn't love me, it was lke it was happening all over again. I suddenly let out a scream, like I do in my nightmares. "What does she mean 'he's gone'? " I heard Emmett say quietly.

I opened my eyes and saw Jasper. His face was in a twist of pain and shock. He knew what I was feeling; now he knew how it felt to be left, abandoned. "Shh, Bella, shh, he's right here, Edward is right here." Alice said, and I was suddenly being rocked back and forth. Right now the pain was so unbearable, but the worst part was knowing that I could do nothing about pain- the one person in the world that could mend it, or had enough power to build that trust, shattered it. Itrusted him with everything i had, my secrets, my heart, even my soul, and he threw it away like it didnt mean anything to him.

The shuddering was slowing and I noticed that it was Alice who was rocking me, while I was still clutching the wall. I was breathing deep ragged breaths that hurt my lungs, I looked up at Alice with pleading eyes. She just gazed back looking at the pain on my face. "Let's get you home," she said. I just nodded weakly, looking back, seeing the shock on everyones face, especially Edwards. He took a couple of steps toward me, but it was Rosalie who stepped in his way, "don't you think you have hurt her enough?" her voice full of disgust. Pain crossed his face and Rosalie turned to me and almost glared, but after a few seconds, her face softened just the tiniest bit. Alice led me out of the house and into the outer part of their lawn.

"Alice" I whispered. "Yes, Bella?" She said even more quietly. "Tell Edward that I am so very sorry, for everything." I said, I knew Iwould probably never see him again., but that didnt mean that I couldnt see his family. She glared at me then looked back at the house. Iknew she didnt like that kind of talk, she knew exactly what I meant when I said that. "I will," she said, but I didn't trust her. Suddenly I heard Edwards voice, "Wait! Bella, please wait!" he ran out the door but Jasper was already in front of him. "Do you not see how much agony you have put her in! Would you like for me to show you!" Suddenly Edward was at his knees, his head in his hands. "I am so sorry, I didn't know, I am so sorry, I didn't know," he repeated this again and again. Then the pain whipped through me again at the sight of Edward on the ground, I sprinted to his side and fell right next to him. I looked up at Jasper who was looking at Edward in disgust. It was normal for Rosalie to do this, but I never expected it from Jasper."Even after all that he has done to you, you still love him, don't you?" I put my head in my hands again and started to cry. "YES! YES! YES! Of course I do! I will always love him no matter what he does to me." Jasper just shook his head and looked at Edward. Then he turned and walked up the stairs on the porch. I felt Alice's hands on my shoulder, picking me up. I tried to resist but could not. "You need to get home, Bella. Charlie will be waking up soon." She said with just a touch of pain in her voice. I touched Edwards' hand that was on his face. I bent down and kissed the top of his head. "I forgive you" I said as calmly as I could. The hole was getting worse. "Oh, Bella," he said shaking his head sadly, "I never knew this would happen, I swear to you. I am so sorry, I didn't know." he repeated again. "I know, you didn't mean it, I am so sorry you had to see that." I lied, no, he should never have seen me like that, but I wasn't sure if he didn't mean it. I started shuddering again. "Goodbye, Edward," I kissed his forehead again, "I love you," I whispered quietly.

What if Edward was human? What if he loved me as I once thought he did? We could spend the rest of our lives together and then live in heaven for the rest of eternity without being separated for a long period of time, but I fell in love with a vampire, and I was fine with that, I didn't care what he was- whether it was a human, a lion, or a vampire. It was his soul that matters, which was kind of ironic, considering that he doesn't believe he had a soul.

Alice scooped me up in her arms and ran me back to the house. She climbed silently up the side of my house and sat me down in my bed. "Oh, Bella, what have we done to you." She said, shaking her head in disapproval. "Nothing, you have done nothing to me Alice. Neither has Edward. This is my entire fault. I just can't seem to get over this. I've tried, believe me, I've tried, but I just _can't." _I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. "I know you have Bella; I have never seen anyone try so hard. I kept having flickers of you while we were gone. You looked horrible, but Edward forbid me to come back _alone. _I knew it was just a matter of time before he gave into the pain and came back to you." I thought about what she said, pain? What she mean by pain? It was then that the exahustion hit me, and i couldnt keep my eyes open.

I was so lucky to have Alice here with me this time. Now i didnt have to be alone. i didnt have to lose all of it, just the most important thing. But, mabye one day i could win him back. there was no doubt in my mind that i wouldnt try. As i drifted towards unconcousness, I could feel the hole in my chest throbbing with pain. No, it would not heal without him, but maybe if I could just be with him, even if he didnt love me. I could live with that, I could live with being his stalker.

I opened my eyes one last time to see Alice by my side on the bed. I closed my eyes and fell into numbness that was my form of sleep.


End file.
